


We Shall be Rich in Homosexuality, Grief, and Sheep

by Anonymoose12



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Grief, Homsoexuality, I REGRET NOTHING, I actually really like it, It's supposed to be bad, M/M, Sheep, marlas, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymoose12/pseuds/Anonymoose12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>An in-joke between my best friend and I is 'We shall be rich in homosexuality, grief, and sheep' (It's a long slightly weird story) and she jokingly said 'If you ship Marlas, it's practically the motto of Cabin Pressure.' I wrote this for her birthday as a result. It's supposed to be terrible poetry (another in-joke) with no proper syntax, just damned fine rhyme.</p>
    </blockquote>





	We Shall be Rich in Homosexuality, Grief, and Sheep

**Author's Note:**

> An in-joke between my best friend and I is 'We shall be rich in homosexuality, grief, and sheep' (It's a long slightly weird story) and she jokingly said 'If you ship Marlas, it's practically the motto of Cabin Pressure.' I wrote this for her birthday as a result. It's supposed to be terrible poetry (another in-joke) with no proper syntax, just damned fine rhyme.

Homosexuality  
Martin was full of dread.  
According to his head,  
He should go Swiss Air  
But that made him care,  
His heart telling him  
Not to be so dim:  
His time at MJN  
Was not yet come to an end.

He had lied to the crew,  
Which caused him to brew  
On his confusion,  
About his collusion,  
In the act of preclusion,  
To not let them know  
That he was perhaps about to go.

He wanted the money-  
It'd help fill his empty tummy;  
but he wanted the family  
G-ERTI had become cosily  
His emotional and proper home.  
Even though Arthur was a bit of a gnome,  
Carolyn a grouch and a hag,  
and Douglas a funny old bag.

Douglas! Now there was a thought,  
The man'd be his mort  
For Martin felt more  
That was perhaps a straight man's score  
Of emotions  
For Douglas's charming potions  
Of words  
Which always attracted the birds.  
This made Martin sad,  
A thing which was bad,  
For Douglas was heterosexual,  
Whilst Martin was bi.  
Douglas was heterosexual,  
Whilst Martin wasn't adverse to shagging a guy

Douglas was sad,  
He was old enough to be Martin's dad  
Yet his feelings were romantic:  
Parts of Martin he'd quite like to lick.  
He loved the fool captain,  
His emotions worthy of a song by Eric Clapton.  
He wanted the man to stay in his house,  
Move out of that attic  
Likely inhabited with at least one louse  
But their relationship was static,  
for Martin had applied for a job.  
Therefore Herc's head, Douglas would quite like to lob.  
For if Martin left  
Douglas would no longer be able to admire his cleft-  
The one in his chin of course-  
This would fill Douglas with lots of remorse.

Douglas thought hard  
He didn't want his pleasure marred  
By Sir leaving  
Although it would be relieving  
To know the man had job security  
(It'd be a mark of Martin's maturity)  
But Douglas didn't care  
He just wanted his hands in Martin's hair  
and so he thought of a plan!  
He'd make the man a flan:  
A spectacular pear gratin!  
This would surely convince Martin  
to stay.  
Not his best plan- but hey!  
He was emotionally distraught  
Which was how he was caught  
By Sir.  
Douglas did um and er...  
Until Martin took pity  
and they went for a walk around the city.

When they got back to the dingy hotel room  
Sexual tension did loom  
Over their heads and their hearts  
Until Arthur tried to relieve it with farts.  
That didn't work so he left  
The room feeling sorely bereft.  
Martin and Douglas sat in silence  
in a very awkward climate.  
Eventually Martin had had enough  
And just kissed Douglas (a bit rough).  
Douglas was shocked,  
So Martin stopped  
And was about to cry.  
Douglas shook his head no  
He didn't want Martin to woe.  
They kissed again  
Until air they couldn't maintain.  
Then they talked about feels  
But not about eels  
If you know what I mean ;)  
That would come later  
After they'd had to deal with a hater  
In the form of an idiotic teen.

Martin didn't leave MJN Air,  
as for Douglas he cared.  
They were a wonderful couple  
With their love young and supple  
They were happy for nigh on a year  
Until Martin was taken by fear….

Grief  
Martin loved Douglas,  
Of this Douglas was sure.  
Together they flew, covering off on the atlas.  
But Martin was sure  
That Douglas found him a bore.  
He was so inexperienced and young-  
Before Douglas he'd never even kissed with tongue!

Douglas was older and wiser  
(Although not a miser,  
For with Carolyn as his advisor  
He bought Martin a sun visor)  
So Martin felt silly and shy  
Even though there was no reason why!

For Martin was everything that Douglas never knew he wanted:  
Male, shy, in need of protection, and-most of all- simply Martin.  
In bed he was sometimes daunted,  
But with Douglas's help he soon become heartened.

Douglas didn't realise  
The doubt in Martin's eyes  
Martin thought that  
Douglas would have been as happy with a cat  
(although not sexually,  
simply intellectually)  
So he decided to leave:  
A sigh he did heave,  
Then he packed up his bags,  
Threw out the old flight mags,  
Cleaned up his mess  
And went to Scotland to visit Loch Ness  
(Carolyn had given him time off,  
She knew Martin was insecure about Douglas's feelings towards their boff (ing) )

Douglas came from the pub,  
Ready to ask Martin if he wanted to go to a club,  
Yet he discovered his house was bereft,  
For Martin had left!  
Gone were the Captain's pyjamas,  
Gone were Martin's box set TV dramas,  
Gone were the pictures of planes  
Cleaned were the always-contested drains!  
Douglas sat down to crey  
His Martin had gone away.

Douglas loved the fool man,  
Even thought he kept the van,  
Racked with guilt  
For he should have realised Martin's love for the older man had started to wilt,  
Douglas entered a whirlpool of blame,  
Not realising Martin felt the same.

After a week,  
In which the both felt bleak,  
Carolyn put them back to work  
And they sat there, both feeling like a right berk.  
Eventually Douglas, the silence broke  
"Martin. May I ask why you left?"  
Martin spoke  
"I did want you feeling oppressed"  
Douglas couldn't reply,  
He was too tongue tied.  
Martin continued  
"I thought your feelings for me had discontinued.  
I loved you dearly, but my feelings were unrequited.  
I should have spoken- I'm sorry for being so nearsighted."  
"Martin no!  
I do love you so!"  
"But I'm silly and young."  
"No. You're wonderful and fun."  
"That's all I am?"  
"No. You're vital to me."  
"But I'm not a madame."  
"You needn't be,  
For you fill me with glee,  
Despite your masculinity."  
"Oh Douglas, really?"  
"When I'm around you my heart does a wheelie!"  
"I'm sorry I left.  
"I think we both felt bereft."  
"Will you forgive my sin?"  
"Only if you move back in"

They lived together again.  
In a little house on a lane,  
Until one day when…

Sheep  
Douglas took Martin out on a date  
And asked him to be his life-long mate!  
It was terribly romantic,  
and later followed by bedroom antic(s)  
After Martin said yes  
and Douglas preened in his success.

Their wedding was sweet  
And even Arthur looked neat!  
He was Martin's best man  
Douglas's didn't have one, but that was part of the plan.  
Carolyn cried  
Which meant that Herc, of laughter, nearly died.  
There weren't many guests,  
but those that there were  
felt joy in their breasts,  
and for Douglas and Martin things seemed to blur.

They honeymoon'd in Paris  
Driving around in a Toyota Yaris.  
Once it was over  
They returned to work  
Flying to Dover  
Where Arthur learnt to twerk  
Which was scary  
But attracted a pony-club-type called Melary.

Fifteen years later Arthur and Mary were still happy,  
As were Carolyn and Herc Knapp-Schappey,  
That is, until both pilots retired,  
Then was MJN dreadfully mired!  
Luckily, new people were quickly hired,  
Although not as cheaply  
And Arthur and Carolyn never loved them as deeply.

Douglas and Martin retired and left Fitton,  
They'd simply worked there long enough  
So they moved to a sheep farm that they'd hit on.  
At first it was tough  
But they grew strong,  
They learnt how to get along.  
Douglas farmed sheep for wool,  
Including one Finn McCool.  
Martin kept bees,  
In a paddock surrounded by trees.  
They produced lots of honey,  
Which in turn provided money.  
Martin was proud,  
He felt that his life had once again experience the removal of a shroud:  
He was earning decent dosh,  
And was as a result of Douglas, eating lovely nosh.

Douglas! Now there was a thought.  
The man was brilliant as ever,  
Their love still as soft and pure as a dove's feather.  
They were happy together,  
Having been through all kinds of weather.

Now we will leave them to their life,  
not writing them into any more strife

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me?


End file.
